This one’s for you, AB, because deep down I know we both can’t wait to wrap our hands around these breasts…

Ladies and Gentlemen, IT IS REAL.  God help us.

I remember when the low-carb craze really hit a few years back and burger joints started offering their ginormous beef patties slathered in cheese and ketchup… wrapped in a leaf of lettuce.  Because the BUN was the unhealthy part of that equation.  Riiiiiiiight.  SNL did some parodies of this sort of thing (taco town!) and when I first saw an ad KFC’s new “Double Down,” I didn’t believe it.

But Lo and Behold, it is true.  KFC has made a sandwich featuring bacon, two cheeses, and “colonol’s sauce.”  But instead of bread, this glorious concoction is served between TWO ORIGINAL RECIPE FILETS!!!

I bring this to your attention today because, as of today, I have begun a (nother) diet.  Dammit.  I lost about 35 lbs. several years ago, and though  I have managed to keep all but about 2 of those pounds off, I never reached my goal weight.  I got comfortable about 10 lbs short of it, but have recently begun frustrated with my flabby belly and thunder thighs once more.  So the goal is ten pounds before I have to bare my fluorescent-white flesh in a bathing suit.  If I made it to 15 or 20, all the better.

I struggle between thinking that I need to be more secure with my body and feeling like I am letting myself down by not sucking it up and getting the weight off.  I’m not badly overweight – I think about a 25.5 on the BMI chart, so losing even 20 lbs would still put me in the healthy range – but right now I’m firmly in the land of pudge.  My husband is happy with the way I look, but I’ve oscillated back to the point of view that I am not happy with how I look and that I need to do this for myself.  I may need someone to remind me of that in a few weeks.  I have done this before, usually making it about two weeks before I conclude that this torture really isn’t worth the 3 pounds that I’ve managed to wrestle off of my frame, and say “aw, f*** it,” and reach for the Ben & Jerry’s.  I love my junk food, but at the moment my desire to have sun touch my stomach without feeling the need to purchase a private beach upon which to uncloak said tummy outweighs my craving for pizza and Coke Icees.

I will post updates on how things are going, and if anyone else is embarking on a similar quest to rid themselves of a nagging flat tire, feel free to share.  It’s always a bumpy road.  That Double Down looks pretty nasty today, but in two weeks I very well may be licking the computer screen.

Oh, and I’d love to win that Target Gift Card my Aunt Becky is giving away over on her blog, so per the rules of the contest, here’s her button.  AB, we should totally chat while we eat our Double Downs and watch 30 Day Shred.  Just because we can.  And so we can say mean things about those skinny bitches that make it look way too easy.
Mommy Wants Vodka